No Tears
by superboltstrike
Summary: In times of crisis, whether it's personal or on a global scale, we usually express our sorrow in a traditional method. However, what if the grief is too great for us to express it? How will we cope with the harsh realities we need to face? One girl will discover the answer for another.


Alright, it took months of writer's block, mostly wrapping things up for my senior year of high school, but I finally posted my first fanfiction! Read and review!

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><p>Midnight just passed not too long ago at the hotel. The hotel was just a few miles from where Camp Wawanakwa used to be, so reaching it by floating along with the wreckage was an easy method of travel. Chris informed the cast members who assisted Mike, or rather Mal for most of the time,and I as well as the both of us we'll be taken home by ferry in a few days. In the meantime, we took the opportunity to relax until then. Alejandro and Heather were still bitter about being unable to win the million, no surprises there. Cameron and Gwen were usually talking about what they liked whenever the four of us weren't hanging out most of the time.<p>

I spent my free time calling my parents and friends to catch up and let them know I was okay, scrap booking, a few minor activities. One major use of my time, whenever Gwen and Cameron were doing their own thing, was spending it with my boyfriend, of course. Considering he spent half the season as his venomous alternate persona who trapped him within his own subconscious, the least he wanted to do was makeup the time we lost. I had no complaints and I enjoyed every minute of it. Mike looked just as happy as I was, but every now and then, I caught him staring blankly into space. He always snapped out of it so I didn't give it any serious thought.

Now, I'm staring at the ceiling of my hotel room as the summer heat is keeping me from going back to sleep. Filling a cup of water from the bathroom sink, I walk out to the balcony and look at the view. Something about summer nights always felt so serene to me, the full moon helps set the emotion.

A figure in the corner of my eye catches my attention. The balcony belongs to a room on the floor underneath mine and near the left end of the hotel. From the looks of it, it looks curled up in a ball which is very odd.

_'Isn't that...' _I immediately run and put my clothes on. Everyone's luggage drowned from the island sinking so I slept in my underwear at night.

Racing to the figure's position, I struggle to put my sandals on as my thoughts are racing. I recognize whose balcony the unidentified being secluded itself on.

_'Please be okay, please be okay.' _I repeat to myself over and over again.

I arrive at the door to the room and slightly twist the doorknob. A breath of relief escapes my lips; fortunately the door remained unlocked. I walk in the room cautiously with a variety of emotions swirling inside me. Fear, concern, courage; the three most dominant to the point where confusion over their intensity begins to rise as well.

Entering the balcony, my suspicious were horribly confirmed as I can only cover my mouth with my hands. In the corner is the man of my affection, reduced to a trembling, helpless heap on the ground.

"MIKE!" I go up to him, my worry taking over. My hand tries to reach out to his shoulder; his response backing away from me in a manner similar to a scared child.

"Mike, it's me. Don't you recognize me?"

He continues to look at me as if I'm a mass murderer, trapping him with no way out. I inch slowly towards him, not wanting to set him off more than he was.

Noticing my movements regardless, he immediately shouts, "Get away from me!"

I'm deeply hurt by his words, but glimpsing at his frantic eyes makes me wonder.

_'Is this a personality I don't know about. His pupils are so small I can barely see them.'_

For what I felt was ten minutes, he continues to shake in terror, not just from me, but from all of his surroundings. I want to help him, I honestly do, but if I so much as blink at him, he'll scream his head off like I'm killing him. What good was I to be his girlfriend id I can't even comfort him in his time of need. I've never felt more useless.

Mike stops shaking, but he has a blank look in his eyes now. He finally speaks, but he sounds odd.

"It all just comes crashing back, doesn't it?"

I look at him with relief that he's finally responsive but not in a way I hoped.

"What we hope to learn about ourselves, yet people tell us the unknown is for our protection. Our safety, our well being. We never listen, but when the truth of our identity is revealed, our resolve is broken. All passion for it turns to despair and no amount of preparation comes to our aid."

He closes his eyes as he continues, "I remembered my darkest memories. The childhood I had wasn't decent at all, but I could have gone my whole life without these specific ones. My father...my home life...how school went for me...The constant harrassment of my classmates was brutal enough, but after..._they_ arrived, it only fueled their attacks. Along with the constant torture at home, it became too much for me too handle. Eventually, all of my aggression, that intense anger, formed..._**him**_."

I instantly knew who he was talking about. Mal really was born from rage and hatred; no wonder he had no interest in the feelings of others.

"I don't know why, but when _he_ was made, all of my worst memories transferred to him and I couldn't remember any of them. When he was erased all of those memories became mine again. Every detail, every emotion I've felt during those moments came back in full swing, I even believed I was there so I couldn't even recognize you. What really scares me is how I can't cry from them, even with every fiber of my being knowing I want to."

He turns to me, sorrow in his eyes, obviously showing the pain of the events inflicting on him. His eyes meet mine, but I have the feeling he still isn't fully with me.

"Why?" he asks me, but what could I possibly say to him? I had a lonely childhood, but Mike's was lonely in a completely different degree. I had no idea what he went through as a child so there was no way I could understand. At least he was able to get out of the situation he was in before.

With that thought, I knew exactly what to say to him.

"Mike," I address him as my hands directs his face towards mine,"not being able to cry doesn't make you heartless or an awful person. Numerous people have trouble facing their past and never have the chance to come to terms with it."

Caressing his cheek, I continue, "You're one of the few people who were lucky to experience this. I can't imagine or relate to what you're feeling but I at least know one thing."

My hands hold a firm grip on his, showing my boundless support. "The pain of the memories is torture, but you survived. Now you can continue on your path knowing more about your past. Accepting who you are and where you come from gives you strength and that's what you are now, Mike. Having no tears means you've become strong enough to accept the truth."

About five minutes passed before he says anything. He speaks in soft tone like before, but less fear is heard in his voice.

"Zoey,how can you be so sure I'm ready to move on? How can you believe I'm ready for this?"

"Simple. You've faced another bad part from your past. And how did you respond?"

The slight widening in his eyes indicates he knew what I was talking about. Quickly, a gentle smile appears on his lips and when his brown eyes look at mine, I can tell he's finally acknowledging my presence.

"Thank you."

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug, laying my head on his chest. I return the favor by pulling him closer and rubbling my hands up and down his back. The steady rise and fall of his chest lets me know he's finally calm. Neither him nor I want to move from our position, the comfort is just what he needs at the time. Summer heat was initially the reason I couldn't sleep, but the warmness from the close intimacy makes me feel more relaxed than I've felt all night. With the love and support of people who care and the strength to confront the past, no tears will be shed tonight, I can assure him that.


End file.
